


Queer Eye For the Undead Guy

by Ajmilone



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: Comedy, Crossover, F/M, Fluffy Ending, Fun, Light-Hearted, Makeover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25648030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ajmilone/pseuds/Ajmilone
Summary: An anonymous individual nominated Spike to help him gain confidence and get the girl. Consequently, the Fab 5 descend on Sunnydale...Silly story, with short chapters. Enjoy this quick read when you feel like you need a smile :)
Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	1. Attack of the Fab 5

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Let’s have some fun! I hope you enjoy this goofy story as much as I do!
> 
> Huge thanks to kats_meow for her crazy skills, including but not limited to: beta-ing and title brainstorming. I’d be lost without her!

Spike entered his crypt, head down and shoulders hunched. The stakeout with Buffy had been a complete disaster. He struggled to hold back tears as he remembered what she had said when he tried to profess his love for her. Buffy has made it clear that he was disgusting, no better than a “serial killer in prison”. He knew he would never get the chance to prove her wrong, show her all he could be for her. Despair washed over him. 

She will never see me as anything other than a monster. It's hopeless. She will never give me the time to prove to her that I'm changing...

His head snapped up. Something was off...there was a distinct smell of intruders in his home.

"What's that? Who's there?"

“Surprise!!" Five men jumped out of the shadows, arms extended as they screamed and squealed in excitement.

"Oh my god, he's even cuter than I imagined!" a man with long brown hair and high heels trilled.

"He's certainly got that swagger, though!" a Black man exclaimed, holding his hands out with his palms down.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Spike spat out. "Get the hell out of my crypt!"

"No can do," stated a tall thin man with brown hair. "You've been nominated for a makeover, and we are here to help you."

Spike took a step back. "I don't know who you think you are, but you're playing with fire. All of you get the hell out of my home before I eat you."

"Oooh, he's so scary! I love him so much!" the man with long hair cooed.

A blonde man stepped forward. "We aren't used to people not recognizing us. I'm Bobby, I'll be helping you with your humble abode. This," he pointed to the man with long hair, "is Jonathan. He is glam, he will be giving you a new hairdo. Over there is Antoni," he gestured to the thin brunette. "He is a wiz in the kitchen. This lovely hunk of chocolate is Karamo, he will be helping you in refining your culture and finding who you are. And over here," he waved at a slight man with an elegant wave of grey hair, "is Tan. He is our fashion expert. He will help you out with your clothes."

Spike found himself shaking with anger. "This is bloody ridiculous. I've never heard of such a thing. Get the hell out of my crypt, I won't tell you again."

Jonathan clapped his hands together. "Ladies, disperse!" And all five men scattered to explore Spike's home. 

As everyone ran in different directions, Jonathan reached up to Spike's hair and boldly ran his fingers through it. "Oh my, peroxide is so out right now, henny. I am gonna give you a little moisture, and little love, and a little zazz. You'll be turning heads for all the right reasons, I'm so excited!"

Spike jerked away from him. "Get off me! Don't sodding touch me!"

Jonathan laughed and flitted off with the grace of a ballerina. 

"Ugh, what is this?!" a voice called from Spike's kitchen area. He spun around to see Antoni going through the mini fridge that housed his blood.

"That's my next meal, you git. I'm a bloody vampire, leave it alone."

All the men looked up and exclaimed "Ooooh, scary vampire!" Antoni immediately made pretend fangs with his index fingers and chased around a laughing Tan.

Spike rolled his eyes and turned his back on their shenanigans. "Oi! Stop doing that!" he shouted at Bobby. Bobby was in the living area, positively jumping on the armchair.

Bobby hopped down to the floor and looked over at Spike. "I couldn't stop myself, it is literally the only furniture you have...and it's so uncomfortable! What if you had someone over, where would they sit?"

Spike looked down at his feet and shrugged. "I have the sarcophagus to sit on, don't I?"

Bobby gave him an exasperated look. "Oh, real nice. Real sophisticated."

Why aren't I tearing these infuriating blokes limb from limb? "It's a bloody crypt, what do you expect?"

"Guys, look what I found! It's a trap door!" Tan called from across the room. All five of the invaders squealed excitedly and ran full tilt to see the lower lever.

"No, stop, there's nothing to...oh bloody hell!" Spike yelled. Looking around, he realized he was alone upstairs since everyone else had descended. Briefly considering closing the trap door and locking them down there, he reluctantly followed them. 

And immediately wished he hadn't.

"This would make a fabulous dress!" Bobby called out, wrapping Spike's pink comforter around himself like a toga.

"I gotta get in on this!" Karamo laughed and draped the extra fabric of the comforter over his head.

"Don't you have any clothes that aren't black?" Tan yelled from the corner that housed a beaten up bureau. "Oh, nevermind, I see...you have these baggy little button ups. Alright, I'm glad you aren't afraid of a dash of color!"

Spike took a step toward him, thinking he could talk some sense into a fellow Englishman. "Listen, mate..." But he was cut off by Jonathan asking where the bathroom was. Spike stared at him in disbelief. "There is no loo. It's a crypt."

Jonathan threw up his hands. "You are so handsome and so squeaky clean, I know you have a shower in here somewhere."

Spike sighed. These guys were exhausting him, but he figured they wouldn't go away until he played along. Resigned, he pointed to an alcove that jutted in where the tunnels led from his home to the sewers. "There's a busted pipe just there. I get a decent washing up from the water that leaks out."

Jonathan pranced over to give it a look and then let out a high pitched scream. "Spikey! There's nothing here except your little pipey! Where is your toilet?"

Spike clenched his jaw in irritation and spoke slowly through gritted teeth. "It's. A. Crypt."

Their exchange was thankfully interrupted by a shout by Karamo from a far corner. "Spike, man! What the hell is this?"

Spike looked over to where Karamo was and instantly deflated. "Oh, bollocks."

"Looks like you have a bit of an obsession, huh?" Karamo held up a handful of pictures. "Who is this beauty?"

"Oh, she's certainly pretty, isn't she?" Tan exclaimed.

"Bugger off," Spike snarled. His hands curled into fists. No, no way was he going to let these guys mock him about his love for Buffy. He got enough of that from Buffy herself.

Karamo put on a soothing voice. "Guys, could you give Spike and me a moment?"

Murmuring various phrases of assent, the four other men went back upstairs. Spike could distinctly hear them tearing the upper level apart.

"Spike, come sit with me a minute," Karamo said, sitting on the bed and patting the spot next to him.

Spike looked heavenwards and shook his head in frustration. "Oh, bloody hell," he groused and went over to sit.

"I'm gonna level with you, man. I knew about this Buffy chick. The person who nominated you told us that you were in love, but didn't know how to put your best foot forward."

Spike frowned in confusion. "You keep saying 'nominated.’ Who the hell nominated me?"

"They wished to remain anonymous until the end. Suffice it to say, you have a friend that really cares about you."

Loneliness washing over him, Spike avoided eye contact. "No one sodding cares about me."

Karamo clapped Spike's shoulder. "Well, we are living proof that that's not true. Our goal is to help you have a rockin' date by the end of this week. You are gonna ask Buffy out and we are going to help you show her who you really are."

Spike's first impulse was to rail against Karamo. If Spike wanted to date Buffy, he would bloody date Buffy! Then he thought back to how this evening had gone, how pathetic his pseudo date with her was. A yearning for her flowed through him. Desperately, he realized he had nothing to lose. Best case scenario, these blokes could help him out.

"Alright," he conceded. "But, regardless of how things end up, you'll all bugger off at the end of this week!"

"Agreed," Karamo said easily. "First thing's first. You gotta get rid of the Buffy shrine, man. That is hardcore creepy."

Spike emitted a low growl. "I won't be judged by you, mate."

"I'm not judging. I'm just trying to unpack why having something that reminds you of Buffy is so important to you." Karamo paused thoughtfully. "What I find is that sometimes when we have issues with connecting to others, it stems from our home life. What was your relationship like with your mother?"

Spike tensed up and glared. How did he know? "It didn't end well," he spat out.

Karamo shrugged gently. "I seem to have hit a nerve."

Spike felt himself give in. He had decided to give these guys a shot, he might as well go all in and be honest. He felt like he could talk to them. And, hell, if they ended up ridiculing or embarrassing him, he'll just hire a demon buddy to take them out.

"Fine. My mum was a nice lady, I got along fine with her. Sorta ended up being her caretaker in the end. But she always encouraged me to be creative. I s’pose we were close enough." His expression darkened. "Then she died. And I'm not saying anymore about that."

"Fair enough," Karamo allowed. "Why don't we go back upstairs and see what the boys are up to?"

Once they joined the others, Bobby approached Spike. 

"I have such a vision for what I'm gonna do here. This is going to be the perfect space for you to come home and relax, as well as a fantastic space for you to bring Buffy into, where she can be comfortable."

Spike was taken slightly aback. "Yeah...that, uh, that would be great."

The five men erupted into applause and cheers. "Yay!" Jonathan could be heard over the hub bub.

"Listen, gents, I kinda had plans," Spike started.

"Oh, we'll walk with you! There's something you need to do on the way," Tan said.

And, without further ado, they all left the crypt. As they walked down the street, Antoni pointed. "I found one!"The others seemed to positively vibrate with excitement as they pushed Spike toward the phone booth.

"Oh, bloody hell," Spike grunted. "No, I don't think tonight is the right time to - "

"No no, I don't want to hear it!" Bobby interjected. "We are here, we are helping you, but you have to do some of the hard work." He held out the phone receiver. "Call the girl, Spike."

The others started chanting "Call the girl!" until Spike gave in and punched Buffy's number. They started giggling and shushing each other when Spike snapped at them to "shut the hell up."

Spike didn't really expect anyone to answer. In fact, he hoped they wouldn't. He was running flashbacks of the stakeout in his mind, images of Buffy's angry face flashing behind his eyes, when he heard a voice on the other line. "Hello?"

"Oh. Um. Hello, Buffy." He worked hard to make sure his voice was neutral so that he wouldn't appear threatening.

"Oh, for god's...I'm hanging up."

"No, wait! Please, I just wanted to..." He sighed. How could he ever get through to her? He looked over at Karamo in a dejected stupor. Karamo smiled and did a "go on" gesture with his hand. Spike turned away from the others so he wouldn't have to see their hopeful faces as he got shot down. "I wanted to apologize for earlier. That's not how I wanted it to go."

Miraculously, she hadn't hung up yet. "What did you expect, Spike? Everything about your little date idea went wrong. I've never...just...it was a clusterfu - "

"I know!" he interjected quickly. "But that wasn't my intention." He grit his teeth in an effort to find the strength to continue the conversation. "I was hoping you'd give me another chance, love. Give me an opportunity to get it right."

He could hear her sigh over the line. "Spike, I don't think that's a good idea. I was angry earlier, but now I'm just exhausted. Please, just leave me alone."

Spike felt his shoulders slump. His voice got quieter as he gave himself one more shot before giving up. "I'm really trying to change, pet. For you. You'll see." He straightened himself up and hurriedly got to the point. It's now or never. "Go on a date with me. A proper one. This Saturday. Gives you a week to change your mind and stake me. But I'll really wow you, kitten." His voice turned pleading. "Give me this. Give me this one night. If you still feel like I'm nothing more than a serial killer in prison by the end of the date, I'll leave town. I promise, you'll never see me again." His voice cracked and he finished in a whisper. "Just give me a chance, love."

There was such a long silence that Spike was afraid she had left the phone off the hook and walked away. Relief whooshed through him when she finally spoke again. "Fine. One date. I swear, Spike, if you try anything evil or sinister..."

"I won't!" he promised quickly. A smile spread across his face. He felt hopeful, giddy, excited. "I'll see you then, pet." And, with that, he hung up.

The cheers from the Fab Five were deafening. He was bombarded with "Yas, queen" and "Thattaboy" and "I knew you could do it.”. He just stood there, smiling dumbly.

"Alright, alright," Antoni called out. "Spike had plans tonight, so let's break this up."

"That's right! Where were you going? What do you like to do when Buffy isn't around?" Karamo asked.

Spike shrugged easily, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. "I was going for a round of poker."

"Oh my god, I am so good at poker! I wanna play!" Bobby insisted. Everyone tittered excitedly as they started walking down the road.

"Damn, I didn't bring any money!" Tan grieved, checking the pockets of his skin tight jeans.

Spike barked out a laugh. "We don't play for money, gents. We're on our way to kitten poker."

Jonathan squealed and started jumping up and down. "Ohhhhhhhhh, kitties!!"

Spike rolled his eyes without losing his smile and continued to lead the way with a new spring to his step.


	2. Day 1- Tan

Spike was apprehensive about what was in store for him on the first day of his surprise makeover and he wasn't sure what to expect. All he knew was that he was supposed to meet Tan at the Sunnydale Mall. So, traversing the sewers to avoid the fatal sun, he made his way over, nervously chain smoking as he walked.

"Well, there's our little punk!" Tan exclaimed once Spike met him in the food court.

"'lo, mate," Spike muttered, clearly uncomfortable with the setting. He shuffled his feet around before meeting Tan's eye. "So what's next, then? Gonna dress me like a bloody poof?"

Tan closed his eyes for a moment in exasperation before opening them and glaring at Spike. "I'm not even going to justify that with a response. It's quite clear that you are hiding behind your abrasiveness when, in fact, I find you quite lovely."

"Not the best judge of character, are you?"

"I do alright." Tan smiled and led the way to his favorite store. "Now, I am not trying to change you. I want you to feel sexy and confident in expressing who you are through your fashion."

"I already do that, mate," Spike said, spreading out his arms to display his outfit.

"Right, well, let me tell you what I see. You have an incredible physique, but you hide it behind ratty tatty clothes. I want to dress you in a way that shows your amazing figure without losing that special essence that makes you 'Spike.’" A slightly maniacal glint entered Tan's eyes. "Plus, we are going to put you in a proper suit for your date with a certain miss."

"Oi, I'm not about to dress in a penguin suit, I don't care who I'm trying to impress!"

Tan pursed his lips. "We'll see what we can do."

And so the dressing began. Spike felt extremely uncomfortable and awkward. This was his first time shopping and trying on clothes in the modern era. To be fair, he had to admit that Tan knew what he was doing. They agreed on several button-down silk tops. Spike grudgingly admitted that his favorite was a black shirt with subtle pinstripes. Tan insisted on getting a well-fit blazer to go over them so that Spike could dress up and down as he wished. Tan spent a ton of time choosing the perfect black slacks to go with the shirts.

"I know you tend to gravitate toward black jeans, but I wanted to show you several pairs of trousers that could stand in when you want to feel slightly less casual. If you are going to wear jeans, I recommend you try these, they are much more flattering for your figure."

Spike was surprised that he did like the feel of his new clothes. "I can't bloody see what I look like, but it feels a little bit of alright," he confessed to Tan.

"Ah, yes, we were warned that we would encounter this problem." Tan rummaged through his bag until he pulled out his Polaroid camera. "Fortunately, I came prepared!"

Several snaps later, Spike was looking at pictures of his new wardrobe. He had to admit that he still looked like a badass, but now he looked like a snazzy badass.

"I s’pose I could see how dressing like this might impress Buffy," he mumbled. "Looks like I care what I look like, doesn't it?"

Tan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because you do care what you look like. You don't consistently bleach your hair because you don't give a damn, Spike. And don't worry about Buffy. If you feel confident in who you really are, if you feel sexy...that's what matters. The rest will fall in line."

Spike didn't really know what to say to that. He spent so much time hiding behind his look so that his true self wouldn't poke through. It was terrifying to think that this makeover might bring out those traits that had given him so much grief in the past, all part of his inner William. 

Well, there's no turning back now. Jump in with both feet, mate, he thought.

"Alright, then. What's next?"

Tan clapped his hands excitedly. "My favorite part! On to the next store, we are going to tailor you the perfect suit!"

"Oh, bollocks," Spike groaned. "Listen, Tan, you seem like a nice enough bloke. But I haven't been tailored into a suit since I was alive. And I was a right nancy boy. I'm not really interested in being gussied up."

Tan put a comforting hand on Spike's arm. "I know it can be daunting. But I find that when I look good, I feel good. Maybe you'll never wear it. But I would like for you to try. Every man should have a nice suit."

"Bloody hell," Spike muttered. If getting a suit brought this little shopping session to an end, he was ready to just go and get it over with.

"Right!" Tan enthused when they got to the store. "I picture you in a nice black suit, preferably with subtle pinstripes. Not unlike that shirt you liked at the last store. I like you in pinstripes because it makes you look taller. You are very compact, a good pinstripe will lengthen you out. So let's try this with a nice burgundy shirt. Here, go try it on."

Spike was muttering obscenities under his breath, but he did what Tan said. In the fitting room was a selection of nice shoes that Tan had pre chosen. Spike realized that he couldn't exactly wear his boots with a fancy suit, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

"My, what a sexy vampire you are!" Tan exclaimed when Spike came out. 

Spike raised an eyebrow at Tan and grinned seductively. "Well, kitten, you've got ‘til Saturday to make a move."

Tan gave a full belly laugh of appreciation. "I know your kind, all talk and no walk. Speaking of walk, give us a little strut."

Spike's smile immediately slid off his face. "No way in hell."

"Come on, then. You look hot, time to show it off. Gimme a little runway walk." Tan planted his hands on his hips. "I am not moving on til I see a little wiggle."

"Christ." Spike gave a few tentative steps. Tan started clapping and cheering as Spike crossed the room, sullenly turned around, and stomped back. He felt a glimmer of amusement at Tan's antics and allowed a small smile to come back across his lips.

"That's it, big boy! Work it! I know you're having fun, don't even pretend you're not! Be yourself, we don't pretend here. Strut, strut, strut!"

Tan's cheering was amusing and borderline annoying, but by the end of his reluctant walk, Spike had to admit that he felt a lot better. He felt lighter, almost as if he could be free to be a little goofy. And that was unacceptable. He was a vampire, he was darkness incarnate! Evil! Grr!

Bloody hell. Time to wrap this up.

"Alright, alright, get your bloody camera so I can see this travesty and then get me outta here," he growled at Tan. Tan snapped a few pictures of him and brought the photos over. And, for the first time in a long while, Spike was speechless. He truly rocked the suit. He didn't realize that he could simultaneously look that classy and cool. It was formal, but still Spike.

"So, what do you think?" Tan asked softly.

Spike looked at him with damp eyes. "You did it, mate. You got the Big Bad into a sodding suit without sacrificing the image I want to project. Bloody good work."

Tan's warm smile made Spike feel like a million bucks. "Perfect. Ok, Spike, what we are going to do is pin a few spots that are loose. When it is finished being tailored to fit you, I'll bring it to your crypt."

Spike tensed up uncomfortably when the tailor came over and started fitting the suit. Having someone work on his clothes reminded him forcefully to when he was a pathetic human. He had hoped that he left all those memories behind. He had been so comfortable with Tan that he had dropped his guard, allowing himself to be slightly vulnerable. Thankfully, Tan kept up a steady stream of dialogue, eventually calming Spike down. As he relaxed, he started planning his date with Buffy in his head, determined to sweep her off her feet. 

Dinner and a movie? No no, slaying and a dinner! Oh, but would she want to be wined and dined?

His thoughts were interrupted when Tan clapped him on the shoulder. "You, my friend, are all done here. Go! Get changed and get some rest. Jonathan is going to kidnap you tomorrow and you're going to want all of your energy."

Spike sighed and smiled at Tan. He wasn't sure what to expect for the next couple days, but today hadn't been as bad as he feared. With a slightly more confident step, he went to the changing room to start winding down from a relatively crazy day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, I was able to post pictures on EF, but can’t seem to figure it out on AO3...just know that the majority of my ideas for this fic come from legitimate photos ;)


	3. Day 2- Jonathan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peace love and joy to kats_meow for waving her beta stick!

There was a loud “bang” as the door to the motel room that Spike was staying in slammed open, the doorknob crashing into the wall. This room wasn't his first choice of accommodation, but that Bobby bloke had taken over renovating the crypt, and Spike had to sleep sometime.

Lifting his head, he blearily eyed Jonathan as he skipped into the room.

"Wakey wakey, Spikey! Time to get up, I'm going to make you even more gorgeous than you already are!"

"Bloody hell," Spike groaned and fell back against the pillows. "I know you mean well, mate, but I still need to sleep, yeah?"

"You will sleep better when you have confidence!" Jonathan argued, reaching over and pulling the pillow out from under Spike's head.

Spike cursed and swiped to take the pillow back, narrowly missing it and almost falling out of the bed. "For Chrissakes, what's wrong with you? Let me sleep or I'll....I'll bite you!"

"Oh, baby, yessss," Jonathan teased. He reached out and patted Spike on the head. "Ok, enough of that, let's go."

Grumbling, Spike got up and got dressed. Following Jonathan out of the motel, they eventually ended up at a high end salon. Jonathan was practically vibrating with excitement. 

"This is a demon run salon, so you can come here whenever you need a touch up, isn't it amazing?" Jonathan somehow managed to say all in one breath.

"Er...yeah, it's really something," Spike allowed, nodding in respect to the owner. The salon owner twitched his tentacles back and returned to the client he was helping. Spike felt Jonathan grab his arm and guide him to a chair.

"Ok, here's what I'm thinking," Jonathan announced before they got down to business. "I don't hate the length of your hair. What I think would be beneficial is to go a bit darker, maybe a brown or dark blonde. This bleached look is making you look washed out, and that doesn't really help your complexion. Those of us with severe sun allergies need to find hair to complement our pale skin, am I right?"

Spike snorted in amusement. "Sun allergy, right." He grew serious as he anxiously ran a hand over his hair. "I don't know, mate, I've had bleached hair for thirty years."

Jonathan simpered sympathetically. "I know, and I love it, but bear with me. I think you could really benefit from something new. And if you hate it, we will talk about different options, ok?"

Spike supposed that was fair and reluctantly agreed. Jonathan rushed Spike over to the sinks to get his hair washed, chattering all the time. "I'm using a shampoo and conditioner that is high in moisturizer. All of those years of bleaching have damaged your hair. You've done a pretty good job of keeping your hair soft, overall, but let's not skip the conditioner. We need your hair to heal so it can grow back better than ever."

Spike merely grunted in acknowledgement as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel the slight head massage that came with having someone else wash his hair. He hadn't felt anything similar since his days with Drusilla and he wanted to take a moment to enjoy it. 

As Jonathan started snipping dead ends and applying dye to Spike's hair, he began chattering. "So, do you think you're changing yourself for Buffy, or for you? It's an important distinction."

Spike shrugged. "I don't know, mate. I already changed myself so much for the bint, haven't I? And that's how this started, wanted to impress her. But that Tan bloke actually made me feel kinda good, dressing me up in new togs and all. So, I don't know. Might be a bit for me, as well."

"That is so great. It's so important to take care of yourself, everything else will fall into place later. You have to feel good in your own skin."

Spike spent the rest of the hair appointment considering what Jonathan said. Buffy meant everything to him. If he had been asked yesterday, he would have said the only reason he was going through all this was so that his date would go well. But he had to admit that he was starting to enjoy himself. It had been a while since he'd gotten a new look. And, to be honest, all that time spent around the bloody white hats had really taken his self esteem down a few notches. Maybe it was time to feel good about himself and see if Buffy would care for him as himself, and not as some ponce pretending to be something else.

"And, done!" Jonathan exclaimed with a final tease of Spike's hair. "Don't you just love it? You look so sexy with your natural curls teased out, honey, who gave you permission?"

By this time, Spike was used to Jonathan's rapid fire way of talking and didn't even react. Jonathan's silliness gave Spike a feeling of freedom, allowing him to be ridiculous without feeling stupid. He looked pointedly at the mirror and then back at Jonathan. "I can't exactly see myself, darling," he teased, pretending to throw long hair over his shoulder.

"Oh my god, you're so sassy, I could just put you in my little baby pocket!" Jonathan squealed. "I totally forgot, here, hold still." And he took out the Polaroid camera that Tan had used and snapped a picture.

Spike studied the picture carefully. Not what I expected, he thought. He had to admit, he looked a lot less punk, but still could look dangerous if he wanted to. His hair was much darker, a deep chocolate brown that his natural shade could never dream of. Slight curls adorned his head, giving him a bit of bed head. He realized that the bed head made him look sexy, something he could certainly use in his favor. He looked at Jonathan's hopeful face and gave a shrug and a slight smile.

"It will take some getting used to, but I suppose that's more my speed nowadays," he said.

Jonathan jumped up and down, clapping his hands excitedly. "Oh henny, I'm so excited for you! You are coming into yourself, how can anyone resist you?"

Spike gave a laugh as he allowed Jonathan to give him a hug. This makeover thing wasn't turning out so bad, after all. With a slightly more confident step, Spike walked out of the salon and into the night.


	4. Day 3- Antoni

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter takes place immediately after the last one, so same day!
> 
> Thanks to kats_meow for rocking the beta!

After leaving the salon, Spike headed to his next destination and he approached the upscale restaurant tentatively. He had a feeling why Antoni had asked to meet him here, but that didn't mean he had to like it. 

"Hey, buddy!" Antoni called out as soon as he saw Spike enter the establishment. "You look fantastic! Look at your hair!"

"Yeah?" Spike self consciously ran his hand over his hair. "Still not quite sure about it. It'll take me a bit."

"Well, I think you look great. And you're carrying yourself differently, almost like you're walking a bit taller. It suits you."

Spike took a moment to absorb the compliment before smiling to himself and giving Antoni a nod of thanks. 

"So, what did you drag me to downtown Sunnyhell for, eh? Think a place like this would impress Buffy?"

Antoni laughed and took Spike's arm, leading him toward the kitchen. "It might, but that's not why we're here. As much as I want to help you to impress your fair lady, I also want you to feel competent. I want you to know that you can have humans over any time you want and that you are more than capable of feeding them and being a good host."

"Oh no," Spike argued as they entered the kitchen. "No restaurant kitchens for this vampire. We're a tad flammable, mate."

"That's why I won't be having you make creme brulee with a blowtorch. Have a little faith, Spike."

Spike grumbled under his breath but still allowed Antoni to bring him over to a workstation. "Alright, no open flames. What's all this, then?"

Antoni rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "We are gonna make a lasagna dinner!"

"Bollocks," Spike groused, even as he rolled up his sleeves and prepared to dive in.

**********

"I don't see how I'm gonna make this for guests," Spike complained as they pulled the finished lasagna out of the oven. "The crypt isn't exactly fully equipped.”

Antoni waved an unworried hand. "Let Bobby worry about that. My goal is to make sure you feel confident in your knowledge of how to give your guests full tummies. And it may impress your lady friend, too. I find that people talk and connect more over food."

Spike took a bite of his pasta and couldn't help but smile. "That's a bloody good lasagna," he admitted.

"And you made it yourself! Doesn't that make you feel proud?" Antoni prodded.

"I suppose." Spike laughed. "You're a bit of alright, mate. I could definitely impress the Summers women with this nosh. I could see my little Bit being right chuffed."

Antoni furrowed his brow. "I understood about half of that, but I'm happy if you're happy. Now," his tone turned business-like, "the most important part."

Running out to the front of the restaurant, Antoni quickly returned holding a bottle of wine. "When entertaining, it could be fun to pair a decent wine with the meal. I find that a lightly-oaked chardonnay goes very well with lasagna. Here, give it a try."

Spike took a healthy gulp of wine and allowed it to flow over his tongue. He wasn't one for wine tasting, but he could see how Buffy would enjoy it. "Pretty damn good," he told Antoni.

"Fantastic! I'm glad you like it! Alright, I'll make sure all of the ingredients for this dish are in your crypt for Saturday so that you can show your date how cultured you are. The rest is up to you." Antoni polished off his statement with a wink.

Spike smiled and clapped the man on the shoulder. New hair, new outfit, and new skills. He would say that he felt like a new vampire, but he hadn't sacrificed anything of himself. He was more of an improved vampire. Taking another bite of his meal, he had to say that he was pretty excited to show Buffy how much effort he put into improving himself to be worthy of her.


	5. Day 4- Karamo Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if you can tell, but I am obsessed with the next two chapters. The perfect man exists, and his name is Karamo. I cry every time he is on screen, I love him. And I knew that he would be the most important in ruffling Spike’s feathers and bringing him out. I hope you enjoy reading Karamo’s chapters as much as I enjoyed writing them.
> 
> Thanks to kats_meow for beta!!

The next day, Spike awoke at the time he’d reluctantly agreed to, but was exhausted. Karamo came to pick him up in the early afternoon, which was prime snooze time for the vampire. They piled into the Queer Eye SUV and drove off to an undisclosed location. Spike was starting to feel at ease with the Fab 5. They had a way of making him relax and settle into his own skin. The ride with Karamo was proving no different. Spike was really enjoying their conversation until Karamo chose to poke at a sore spot.

"So, I know we mentioned your mother when we met," he prodded.

Spike growled. "We are not talking about her."

"What I'm trying to get at is, I see some underlying upset, and I'm wondering if that might block you from connecting with women the way you want to."

"I connect just fine," Spike said through gritted teeth.

"I don't think you do. You go on about this Buffy chick, but we have been around you for four days and haven't met her."

Spike tried to swallow his anger and failed. "Listen, mate, what the hell are you trying to get at here?"

Karamo gave him a side look. "What I'm getting at is that you need to find a way to let go of your past and start moving forward. I have two places to take you. One will help you cope with mother figures and one will help you embrace who I know you are deep down."

"Think you know me, do you?"

"You tell me. We're here."

Spike looked out the car window and saw that they had pulled into a nursing home. "Oh, bloody hell."

Karamo laughed. "Come on, you stuffy Brit. Let's get you over whatever happened with your mother."

Spike glared at him. "It's none of your business."

Karamo gave an easy shrug. "Maybe. Maybe not. Worst case, you have a boring afternoon that you'll never get back again. Come on."

Spike took a moment and shook himself. No way was Karamo going to bring up any ghosts. There couldn't possibly be anything inside that would bother Spike. Straightening his shoulders, Spike ran from the car and into the nursing home to avoid the sun.

"Hey, beautiful!" Karamo was hugging an elderly woman with long white hair. "I brought you an English gentleman to torture today."

Spike sullenly scuffed his feet. "I ain't no sodding gentleman."

"Oh, I like him already!" the old lady excitedly told Karamo. She turned to Spike politely. "Hello, young man. My name is Anne."

"Son of a - I'm outta here." Spike swirled to exit the home, determined to ignore the ache that pulsed around his heart. This isn't happening, he assured himself. The room seemed to spin as he glanced around, desperately trying to find the exit that he could have sworn was just right there.

"Whoa whoa!" Karamo suddenly had an arm around the panicked vampire's shoulders. "What's going on, man? You alright?"

Spike took a few steadying breaths and narrowed his eyes at Karamo and Anne. "What are you two playing at? What are you trying to do to me?"

Karamo and Anne shared a look. "I was just hoping you might spend some time with me," Anne said innocently. "I'm a useless, lonely old lady." She sent a wink Karamo's way as Spike threw his head back and groaned in exasperation.

"Fine," Spike snapped. "I'll play your little game. But don't think you're getting one over on me, mate," He pointed at Karamo's face threateningly.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Karamo replied easily. "Now if you excuse me, I have a checkers date with my friend Dale, over there." And Karamo walked off, leaving Spike to deal with Anne.

"What did I say to change your mind?" Anne asked.

Spike decided the best way forward was to turn on the charm. "I just never could refuse a pretty lady," he replied.

Anne laughed good naturedly and started to lead him to a table. He eyed the other tables to see what they were doing. "Board games, is it?"

"Yup," Anne quipped. "I'm too old to possibly get the games myself. Be a good boy and go over to the game cupboard and bring back Connect Four so I can kick your ass."

Spike gave a startled laugh at Anne's vulgarity. "Yes, ma'am. Followed immediately by my kicking your ass at Rummy."

Anne patted his forearm consolingly. "Whatever you need to tell yourself, dear."

**********

"And then, right, she says I'm like a serial killer in prison!" Spike was telling Anne over the fourth game of Connect Four. 

"Well, aren't you?" Anne said shrewdly.

"Not the bloody point!" Spike chose to ignore the fact that Anne somehow knew he was a vampire in favor of continuing his whining. "I've changed! I'm bloody reformed! If the bitch would just give me the time of day, I could show her!"

"Language," Anne chided gently.

"Sorry, mum," Spike dropped his voice respectfully. "This Saturday is my big chance. I'm gonna show her the man I can be."

"Or, maybe just show her the man that you are." 

Spike's eyes widened in shock. Undeterred, Anne continued. "You put up a rough front, but you're really a sweet boy. You tried to drive me off by being a little prick, but you became very sweet once you relaxed a little."

"Anne!" Spike laughed delightedly. "Language!"

"I'm old, I'm not about to change my ways now. Unlike you. You have changed, it's obvious from the way you talk. Let down this wall you built up and let her in."

Spike shrugged. "I don't mind telling you that the wall is there for a reason, love."

"I don't doubt it. But you let me in after a couple of stupid board games. Don't you think the people you actually love deserve to be let in as well?"

Spike mulled that over for a bit. The old bint had a point. "Alright," he conceded, "I'll try. For you," he ended with a dashing smile, making Anne give out a belly laugh.

"Cut the shit, I'm immune," she laughed. She reached out and patted his cheek a couple of times. "You're a good boy. Now, go get the cards so you can school me in Rummy."

When Karamo finally came to remind Spike that they had a second destination to get to, Spike realized that he felt a lot lighter. Anne reminded him of his mother in small subtle ways, but not enough to make him feel hurt or defensive. Touched by the experience he shared with her, he found himself eagerly promising to see her next week.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll update weekly! I’m a bit behind on typing this baby, but I’ll try to keep to the schedule. Thanks for reading!


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